Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
