i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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