Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
