Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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