do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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