Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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