Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
