What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
