So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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