his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
