Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize