i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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