She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How external is "for external use only"?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
