Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
