Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
