bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
