God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
