i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
