We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
