I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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