HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
