First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
