That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
