My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
