I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
