When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
