i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
