my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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