DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize