you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
