If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
