I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
