In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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