Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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