come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
