We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
