I think my vagina is haunted
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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