I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
