i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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