My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
