And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
