You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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