Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
