I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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