I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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