I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize