It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
