so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
