Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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