i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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