i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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