Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
