can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
