this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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