If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
