he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
