Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
