im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
