Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
