After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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