Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
