3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
