I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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