If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize