I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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