He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
